OCTOBER 15th-"I can't move, breathe, speak or hear and it's so dark all the time. If I knew it would be so lonely, I would have been cremated instead."

I toss and turn, unable to go back to sleep, or what I consider sleep: It’s mostly just blanking out so deeply, you lose track of who, what, and where you are. It’s agony being awake. I I notice how cold I am, and I can’t even find a blanket, or sweater, or something. I mean, how can I?
I can't move, breathe, speak or hear and it's so dark all the time. If I knew it would be so lonely, I would have been cremated instead.

Instead, I’m stuck here with my own thoughts, and to be frank with myself-my thoughts stopped being interesting months ago. They mostly center around which one of the worms living with me is in my pant leg tonight? I wonder which day of the week it is? If I still ate breakfast, what would I be having today? Then I go on to lunch, and then dinner. Maybe I’m hungry? Which makes no sense, because I don’t eat, nor need to. But man do I want to. I’d like to try a turducken! It’s a chicken stuffed into a duck, which is then stuffed into a turkey. I know! It sounds disgusting, but I spent my life a vegetarian and if I could be alive for one day? I’d cram in all the meaty fatness I could.

That’s never going to happen though. So...I’m going to go ahead and try to go back to my slumber. Rest in peace and all that.